Sunday 7 February 2016

Unburden yourself

Three people were working on a project that turned out a complete disaster. The boss called them one by one, and as he appraised them, he criticized their work using a harsh tone.

The first one took it as a constructive feedback instead of criticism; he looked at it objectively, devoid of any emotions. He accepted some of it where he realized his mistake, and rejected the rest of it. He introspected for a day or two, gaining clarity on his areas of improvements and was his normal self at work soon. The second one was quite upset about the way his boss spoke to him. He could not express his resentment and continued to be in a sulking state for quite a long time.

The third person didn’t pay much attention to what his boss said, and didn’t give even a second thought to it the moment he was out of his boss’s cabin. The stimulus, in this scenario being the same for all, summed up as “negative feedback from the boss”. It is interesting to note that the response by every person is completely different. This story clearly explains the space that lies between a stimulus and a response. When we understand our freedom to choose any required response in any situation, we become truly effective and mindful, in our lives including the workplace.

As I narrated this story to the participants of one of my training programs, one participant ventured into the appropriateness of the third response, as it portrayed an attitude too carefree. As a trainer, I try to utilize all the objections as well as the questions to maximize the learning of the participants. 

I now had to explain how deeply conditioned we are to look at life as “black” or “white”. I come across such types of questions during my coaching sessions also. “Whether this is the right thing to do or not”, is a question, I frequently face as a coach and a trainer. The kind of pressures that people unconsciously put on themselves due to their beliefs and the guilt they carry with themselves, is an area that certainly requires attention.

From our time in the womb itself, we start learning our lessons of what is right and what is wrong. As we grow up, we are deeply conditioned into fixed ideas and feelings about what we should be saying and how we should be saying it, what to do and how to do it, how to act or behave, what not to do, what is bad or evil,  and this list is endless.
Thus loaded, we carry this burden of our unlimited notions of “right and wrong”, “good and bad” at all times and wherever we go. Having preconceived notions that we access in every situation, we don’t even realize how our life revolves around a set of generalizations about everything and everybody. And how we martyr ourselves, transporting the load of fixed ideas, feelings and responses from each night to the following day, is out of our conscious awareness!

If we start paying attention to the language people use, we start noticing generalizations in the form of “ought”,” should”, “can”, “can’t”, “would”, “wouldn’t”, “never” and many of such phrases. It helps us to understand that these are merely limitations imposed on us by our own thinking. It is truly liberating when an individual understands this fact. There is in fact nothing that is a universal law to be abided by, under all circumstances, and one is totally free to choose a considered response. As someone rightly said, all generalizations are lies to someone.
Let me elaborate it more by taking examples in different aspects of our lives starting with our thinking.

·          Thinking – Positive thinking is certainly useful in most circumstances but negative thinking can also be utilized in some of the situations. For example, if a person is addicted to something and it is ruining his life, he can convince himself with all the negative results and consequences, making it easier for him to give up the addiction. Isn’t negative thinking beneficial to foresee so many risks in life?
·          Attitude- It’s good to have an attitude of contentment but if a person has a contended attitude why would he go out of his comfort zone to put more efforts into anything. Similarly, a pessimistic attitude may drive someone to take massive action.
·          Behaviour -It is believed that by hugging someone, one can increase good feelings and ease some conflicts with him/her. Some people would hug everyone too hard without noticing whether the "huggee" likes it or not.

We are taught to speak truth but some people end up hurting people deeply because they think it is always good to be honest and tell the truth.
We are often told that procrastination is not the right thing to do. If a person is on diet, and he procrastinates eating one of his favourite food item, wouldn’t that be good for him? If criminals start procrastinating their crimes, wouldn’t it be good for the society?
We are also told that being forgetful might be an issue. As quoted by Sholem Asch, “Not the power to remember, but it’s very opposite, the power to forget, is a necessary condition for our existence.”  There are things that have to be forgotten if you want to go on living happily, aren’t there?

·          Emotions – Every emotion has some purpose but we are taught to think negatively about negative emotions like frustration, disappointment etc. If a person sets a goal for himself, and he has not been able to accomplish that goal, he ends up being frustrated. If he still feels okay, why would he even think of changing his strategy or approach? So it is precisely the feeling of frustration that may force him to take different actions.

·          Fears – We are taught that fears limit us. However, if fear of public speaking makes a person work harder and prepare really well, won’t he be better equipped to face the situation. If your child is playing with a risky object or crossing a busy road carelessly, you would certainly install a fear just to ensure his safety so that he is more careful.

·          Communication – It is believed that you need to choose assertive communication over submissive and aggressive communication. In certain situations especially with your loved ones, sometimes you choose to be submissive to make them feel good. And in some situations, by being aggressive, you are able to put your point across well and influence someone to change his inappropriate behavior.
Nothing is completely wrong or right, there can be multiple perspectives about everything and every situation. Can we look at our thoughts, words and actions as a tool that needs to be used intelligently and consciously? Every behaviour can be useful in a particular context. You can choose to see positivity in negativity by focusing on learnings and releasing the emotions.

A new paradigm - “empowering or limiting”
Instead of seeing everything from a “good or bad” or “right or wrong” frame, I would suggest you to adopt a new frame ie. “empowering or limiting”. If a behavior empowers you in a specific situation, feel free to choose it rather than being a prison of your past conditioning.

A generalization may not be the truth
We must be able to discriminate between a generalization and a truth. However when we believe in something, we think it is a fact, when others believe in something, it may be a point of view. Do we ever look at our belief as a generalization?

Start building“letting go” muscles
Letting go means letting go of not only distressing and unpleasant things but also every kind of fixed ideas and beliefs. You made all these associations and as long as you cling to them, it’s impossible for you to become one with your true nature which is open, playful and ready to grow by exploring.
When you are caught up by fixed ideas, you cannot freely use your mind. By being liberated from your fixed ideas, you will see that many of the thoughts and perspectives that you considered are ridiculous.
Someone said, “If your mind is broad, it can embrace the whole world. If it is narrow, even a needle cannot enter.” You have to keep letting go of your stubbornness and rigidness and be a role model for others too. As Ridley Scott quoted, “Life isn't black and white. It's a million gray areas.”
Finding the right balance is the key
So when it comes to choosing an attitude of contentment and discontent. What is important is to find the right balance between the two - the state in which you have enough satisfaction to enjoy who you've become, where you are and what your life is like, but still feel enough dissatisfaction to work for more, to have a constant drive to grow and contribute!

Be aware when you are teaching generalizations or truths
A good teacher/trainer/coach/parent is aware of the differentiation when teaching generalizations and when teaching some universal principles or truths. In case of presenting generalizations, he/she explicitly uses phrases like “I think that” or “I believe that” to avoid being interpreted as “truth”. We all need to do this in instructing our children, youngsters and subordinates, so that they are able to move towards a more objective and clear outlook.

I would like to conclude with these lines that I wrote sometime back.

The worst prison is the prison of our conditioning.
The toughest wall to conquer is the wall of our fixed ideas.

The inner demons are the most difficult to defeat!

Saturday 31 January 2015

Living your passion gives you the high that money can’t buy!


Friends, here goes the story of realizing my deepest passion. And l feel blessed that I could not just discover my passion but also could convert into my profession.

For as long as I can remember, I had an obsession to improve myself and make things better. Eventually my desire to make things better became about making the lives of other people better. With the amount of suffering that the world is currently ridden with, I want to do my bit to make it a better place.

Though, I had never considered taking up training and writing as a profession, a series of triggers started happening since the year 2010 to make me realize my inner calling. And this made me reflect deeply on my profession at that time (I was a Senior Manager in a Telecom Software company).

It was a tough decision to take up an altogether different career after a decade in software development and related aspects. But the urge was so strong that I started seeking the answers. I believe that the universe is very kind, and whatever you focus upon starts flowing in your life. I started receiving messages in various forms that it was the purpose of my life and my life would be incomplete without pursuing it. I even found one of my diaries in which I had written about my mission around fifteen years back. I felt that it was always there hidden in some part of me, just the realization came later.

I spent the next few years doing the required international certifications to enhance my knowledge and wisdom in the new area. Moreover I conducted many self-effectiveness workshops in the organization, I was working and got an overwhelming feedback across all the levels. That boosted my confidence to quit my job in 2013 and take the leap of faith to set the foundation of my venture - ‘Thoughtful Engagement’ (www.thoughtfulengagement.com). Also, I launched my first book - 'Life Mantras by a Life Coach' in the same year.

I am delighted to share that pursuing coaching as a career has brought me so much happiness and fulfillment that is beyond the words can express.

So my message to my friends - When you will dig deeper to find out what really matters to you, and let your passion be your drive, you will start experiencing fulfillment at deeper levels.Though, I had never considered taking up training and writing as a profession, a series of triggers started happening since the year 2010 to make me realize my inner calling. And this made me reflect deeply on my profession at that time (I was a Senior Manager in a Telecom Software company). Though, I had never considered taking up training and writing as a profession, a series of triggers started happening since the year 2010 to make me realize my inner calling. And this made me reflect deeply on my profession at that time (I was a Senior Manager in a Telecom Software company).

I spent the next few years doing the required international certifications to enhance my knowledge and wisdom in the new area. Moreover I conducted many self-effectiveness workshops in the organization, I was working and got an overwhelming feedback across all the levels. That boosted my confidence to quit my job in 2013 and take the leap of faith to set the foundation of my venture - ‘Thoughtful Engagement’ (www.thoughtfulengagement.com). Also, I launched my first book - 'Life Mantras by a Life Coach' in the same year.

I am delighted to share that pursuing coaching as a career has brought me so much happiness and fulfillment that is beyond the words can express. When you will dig deeper to find out what really matters to you, and let your passion be your drive, you will start experiencing fulfillment at deeper levels

Though, I had never considered taking up training and writing as a profession, a series of triggers started happening since the year 2010 to make me realize my inner calling. And this made me reflect deeply on my profession at that time (I was a Senior Manager in a Telecom Software company).

I spent the next few years doing the required international certifications to enhance my knowledge and wisdom in the new area. Moreover I conducted many self-effectiveness workshops in the organization, I was working and got an overwhelming feedback across all the levels. That boosted my confidence to quit my job in 2013 and take the leap of faith to set the foundation of my venture - ‘Thoughtful Engagement’ (www.thoughtfulengagement.com). Also, I launched my first book - 'Life Mantras by a Life Coach' in the same year.

I am delighted to share that pursuing coaching as a career has brought me so much happiness and fulfillment that is beyond the words can express. When you will dig deeper to find out what really matters to you, and let your passion be your drive, you will start experiencing fulfillment at deeper levels.

Though, I had never considered taking up training and writing as a profession, a series of triggers started happening since the year 2010 to make me realize my inner calling. And this made me reflect deeply on my profession at that time (I was a Senior Manager in a Telecom Software company).

I spent the next few years doing the required international certifications to enhance my knowledge and wisdom in the new area. Moreover I conducted many self-effectiveness workshops in the organization, I was working and got an overwhelming feedback across all the levels. That boosted my confidence to quit my job in 2013 and take the leap of faith to set the foundation of my venture - ‘Thoughtful Engagement’ (www.thoughtfulengagement.com). Also, I launched my first book - 'Life Mantras by a Life Coach' in the same year.

I am delighted to share that pursuing coaching as a career has brought me so much happiness and fulfillment that is beyond the words can express. When you will dig deeper to find out what really matters to you, and let your passion be your drive, you will start experiencing fulfillment at deeper levels.

Though, I had never considered taking up training and writing as a profession, a series of triggers started happening since the year 2010 to make me realize my inner calling. And this made me reflect deeply on my profession at that time (I was a Senior Manager in a Telecom Software company).

I spent the next few years doing the required international certifications to enhance my knowledge and wisdom in the new area. Moreover I conducted many self-effectiveness workshops in the organization, I was working and got an overwhelming feedback across all the levels. That boosted my confidence to quit my job in 2013 and take the leap of faith to set the foundation of my venture - ‘Thoughtful Engagement’ (www.thoughtfulengagement.com). Also, I launched my first book - 'Life Mantras by a Life Coach' in the same year.

I am delighted to share that pursuing coaching as a career has brought me so much happiness and fulfillment that is beyond the words can express. When you will dig deeper to find out what really matters to you, and let your passion be your drive, you will start experiencing fulfillment at deeper levels.

 

Saturday 9 November 2013

It’s Never Too Late, Dreams don't have an Expiry Date!


Life is the greatest gift of all and too precious and short to be wasted. It should not be lived with any kind of regret or taken for granted. You can choose to discard any reason or excuse you’ve been giving yourself to lead a life that is far below your standards.
 
No matter where you are in life right now, no matter who you are, or how old you are, it’s never too late to be who you are meant to be. You can chase your dreams and reach for the stars because it’s never too late:
To start over once again and live the life you truly deserve
To discover your purpose and align your goals with it
To work upon something that you can leave as a legacy
To cultivate a good habit or to quit any bad habit
To make a difference to someone’s life
 
It’s never too late to do anything you wanted to do, be it pursuing your passion or learning a new skill or falling in love or forgiving someone or apologizing to someone or doing anything that brings more fulfillment and happiness in your life.
 
You can choose not to focus just on making a living but on creating the life that you truly want. Believe in yourself and follow your dreams and live life to the fullest!
 
 

Friday 8 November 2013

Become a Corporate Athlete!

An athlete's body must be a highly tuned, well-functioning machine and the training mentality of elite and high-performance athletes is something that needs to be adopted by corporates. As every sport requires complex coordination of mind and body, the discipline followed by sports persons is worth being modeled by the corporate people.

Extensive research has confirmed that sustaining high performance and achievement requires all dimensions – mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical working together synergistically and not just intellectual capabilities. Human beings are complex energy systems. All four dimensions are critical, none is sufficient by itself and each profoundly influences the others. To perform at your best, you must skillfully manage each of these interconnected dimensions. If any one of them functions below par, your capacity to fully ignite your talent gets diminished. With lack of the right quantity (physical energy), quality (emotional fitness), focus (mental strength) and force (spiritual vitality), you are compromised in any activity you undertake.

How you take care of your body or fail to take care of it, can make an enormous difference to the quality of your personal and professional life. If you want to stay healthy for life, you need to take care of yourself. Health is maintained and improved through the efforts and lifestyle choices of individuals and society. By creating an environment in which making healthy lifestyle choices is easy, natural and enjoyable, you are able to maintain your health. You must determine to exercise to be fit, eat to nourish your body, take sufficient rest and adequate sleep for renewal. To operate at your best, you must give your body the fuel (in the form of food, water and oxygen) it needs.

To perform at your best, you must exercise your brain to sustain concentration, and control your focus. You can challenge your brain by doing old routines in new ways, engaging in any type of brain-teasers, learning a new skill and so on. This way you can protect your brain against age-related mental decline. Give your brain a lot to work with, create a rich pool of information to draw upon. Expose your brain to diverse experiences and situations. As the mind and body are so inextricably connected, even moderate physical exercise can increase the cognitive capacity. It does so simply by driving more blood and oxygen to the brain.                             

Competent wellness coaches provide unique tools and perspectives to help their clients to bring their talents and skills to full ignition to perform their job at the highest level possible while maintaining maximal health and happiness. Using powerful and innovative methods, they support them in such a way that they not only thrive in crises and high pressure situations but also emerge stronger, healthier and ardent for the next challenge. Moreover they teach them to create the additional energy they need to maximize their performance in their professional and personal lives.

Shine Even in Challenging Times!

The global economic upheaval has induced a massive change in not only the way business is done but also on the working climate of organizations. These dynamic times with enormous uncertainties and challenges like the ones mentioned below, call for superior way of working and results-oriented paradigm more than ever before.
  • Growing need for downsizing
  • Poor quality and less commitment with outsourcing
  • Too many initiatives to handle
  • Emotional Outbursts
  • Tardiness or absences
  • Erratic behaviour
  • Missing Deadlines
Need for the Organizations
To thrive in this era, it is really quintessential for an organization to align their learning and development practices not just on profit, productivity and customer satisfaction but striving for customer delight and on being humanitarian and developmental. They need to align their strategies and plan of actions to be a compelling place to work to attract and retain high quality human capital. The ever-evolving competitive market place demands for focus on the following aspects:
  • Getting a competitive edge with clarity of vision and focus
  • Aligning their strategies and plan of action to surpass the level of performance and productivity of a global workforce
  • Accelerating the development of new leaders
  • Building a team-centered culture instead of a boss-centered culture
  • Establish and maintain not just performance oriented culture but also work towards organizational climate characterized by trust, openness and shared power
  • Learning how to unleash the talent of employees instead of controlling employees
  • Empowering people in customer facing roles so that they can add value to the customer experience
  • Bosses to act as servant leaders, helping their teams by removing obstacles, realigning structures and systems, or bringing in additional resources to ensure success.
  • Execute change effectively, across complex and widely spread systems.
  • Fostering work-life balance by personal development of employees
Learning organizations learn faster than their competitors, thereby creating a competitive advantage that is expanded globally. As our global community becomes more and more complex, there is a need for organizations to recognize the need for on-going change, to become more adaptable and flexible, and to respond quickly to the changes that occur around them. In a learning organization, the entrepreneurial spirit gets unleashed, growth and learning is created for everyone, resulting in a greater good for all.

Need for the individuals
The people who embrace change will influence and control the world around them. In order to adapt to accelerating pace of change and to ascend the ladder of success at a fast pace, the individuals must continually redefine and expand their competencies focusing on the following:
  • Commit to continuous improvement
  • Set and achieve high standards of performance in his or her chosen field.
  • Building win-win relationships
  • Fostering a healthy work-life balance balancing key priorities
  • Leveraging collaboration

Accelerating Learning in the New Age

In this new age, there is a strong need to update our approaches to learning to meet the demands of our high metabolism culture. And the changes that need to be made are not just cosmetic but systemic and organic in nature.

Learning and development initiatives are no longer aimed at preparing docile, obedient factory workers, but knowledge workers who have to constantly absorb and adjust to new information. Nor the training's goal is to teach people instinctive responses for relatively mindless assembly-line jobs, but to ignite people's full mental and psychological powers for thinking, problem solving, innovating, and learning.

Training in the learning age is characterized by total learner’s involvement, genuine collaboration, variety and diversity in learning methods. The learners must be placed in environments that are positive physically, emotionally and socially and give them an experience of learning by immersion that is as close to the real world as much as possible. People learn best when they are totally and actively involved and take full responsibility for their own learning. Learning is not a spectator sport but a participatory one. Knowledge is not something a learner passively absorbs, but something a learner actively creates. The learning is accelerated in a positive physical, emotional, and social environment, one that is both relaxed and stimulating. A sense of wholeness, safety, interest, and enjoyment is essential for optimizing human learning. Hence the trainings must be more activity-based rather than materials-based or presentations-based.

The mature training firms make this happen by using accelerated learning techniques that are result based, flexible, collaborative, humanistic, multi-sensory and activity-centered. They are committed to integrate the learning and other interventions for the purpose of improving human performance and addressing individual and organizational needs. In order to achieve this, such organizations use a systematic process of analyzing and responding to individual, group, and organizational performance issues. They are focused to create a positive, progressive change within organizations by balancing human, ethical, technological, and operational considerations.

Be a Corporate World Yogi!

A true yogi is a genuine seeker, illuminated by deep profound wisdom. Humility, forgiveness, self-awareness and uprightness adorn his character and he strives to be an absolute master of himself. With a robust spiritual foundation in place, operating from his higher self is quick and effortless for a yogi. A yogi deeply understands that spiritual renewal is essential to our well-being. It helps us nurture our essence, build inner strength and trust life. Spirituality allows us to connect to the higher power, feel a sense of purpose, and experience meaning in our lives.

Spirituality can reduce feelings of stress, strengthen your relationships and help you navigate the challenges you face from just being human. Spiritual energy can be tapped even in the worst adversity by a commitment to a mission larger than one's self. And the courage and conviction to live by your deepest values is another key muscle that serves spiritual energy.

You can nurture yourself spiritually in many different ways such as through yoga, prayer and meditation, musical or artistic expression, spending time in nature, being in a spiritual com-munity and rendering service for others. Stillness, whether experienced through prayer, meditation, or reflection, is your time to be alone and connect to your inner wisdom or the higher power within you. Whether your source of spiritual renewal is through prayer or meditation or spending time in nature or helping others, make time for it on a regular basis and experience the vitality that you deserve.

The value-centered training and coaching organizations help you to become a corporate yogi by helping you have clarity of your purpose, your deepest passion, your sense of identity and your core values. Their initiatives are focused on supporting you in developing a positive attitude and a growth mindset by raising your awareness and installing empowering beliefs. When you align your goals with your purpose and values, you not only experience deep fulfillment but also increase your ability to have a laser beam focus, adopt effective strategies and rituals to build resilience, build relentless self-control and manage your most resourceful state.

When skill-building is backed up by a robust foundation of these fundamental qualities, competencies can be built quickly and easily over them and there is much more probability to sustain the learning in the realities of daily life.